RVP Frozen in Carbonite so that Future Generations of Goonners Might Cure Him.

Arsenal's absent striker, presumed dead by many, was revealed to be in fact alive though in a state of suspended animation in a secret complex underneath the former Highbury grounds.

Arsene Wenger, who personally activated the massive cooling contraption, finally admitted that there simply wasn't enough medical research available in order to fix a broken everything. 

"We are obviously filled with beautiful grief to lose Robin at this time. However, in true Arsenal style, we will pass him to another generation, who will probably pass him to another generation. Then they might consider making something of this opportunity, but they will likely elect to pass again. This might become frustrating to our fans, but eventually we will thaw him and rebuild him using bio-engineering so that he can compete with the superior robotic super players which Chelsea and Manchester will have purchased. Or maybe he'll be match fit by mid-february. C'est la vie."

When questions regarding the safety of the Dutchman were raised, one source declared: "He should be very well protected. If he survived the freezing process that is."

Emmanuel Adebayor: "I'm still not sure about that Abebayor guy"

Despite scoring eighteen goals in all competitions and ranking 3rd on Actim's list of top Premier League players, Arsenal striker Emmanuel Adebayor is, fortunately, still regarded as "a questionable striker" by many fans and players including striker Emmanuel Adebayor. 

"Sure, I've scored alot this year, but most of it was against Derby. Yeah, I had 3 there, and 2 at Tottenham, oh and at Fulham too, but I'm still confident I'll find a way to fail in the clutch. Did I forget about the two against Newcastle in the FA? Yeah I did." says the Togo international.

Claiming that he is currently "off his game" Adebayor has recently apologized to his longtime fans for such ridiculous "hiccups" in his play as his heartbreaking, jaw-dropping-chest-volley-spinning-hurricane-kick-goal against rival Newcastle which, to his disbelief, failed to go over the bar. 

"It was like Man United all over again" referring to his regrettable game winner at Old Trafford in 06-07, "I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't find an opposing defender or Thierry anywhere to pass to. Where has he been all year? Whatever, that's no excuse. I panicked and just kicked it and, well crap, I didn't think it would beat Shay Givens. He's really good."

In the stands Arsenal's faithful are also suffering from the "New Adebayor". "I mean he was my favorite player... to make fun of... you know, on my own team. But now he's lost it. I was there, talking shit every time he managed to pass it right into a defender or run it out of bounds. And oh, remember all the offsides? What went right?" asks a depressed fan. However, other more faithful supporters still remain adamant that he retains his trademark "lead-foot first touch", can still "give up possession right in front of the net" and "just plain fucking sucks".

Adebayor (above) suffers another crushing success

"I know people are looking for some of the old stuff from me and I want to thank those who continue to doubt me as world class player. I just ask them to remain patient while I get back to the fundamentals of failure. Times may be great, but I'm where I want to be. If you want to learn how to choke, bone or screw it all up in a big game, then England is still the place to be."

Whether Abebayor can return his beloved Arsenal to their glory days as over-elaborate underachievers or cause the team to spiral towards the title is still unknown. Only time will tell.

Someone you should know at Nevada's: Devo

Devo, aka Blog writer theArsenal, is the prime mover of our pack of Gooners. He was the first of my friends to be a Gooner. All his friends are Gooners. His girlfriend is a Gooner, and all his children will be Gooners. Devo has been Nevada faithful for years. 

Here are his stats:

Favorite Drink: Guinness

Favorite Player: Thierry Henry

Favorite Song/Chant: Ooh to be a Gonah!

Favorite Arsenal Gear: O2 Henry Jersey

Favorite Game: Arsenal vs. Man U 06-07 (2-1 Gunners)

Where you'll find him: Center of the Bar. Near Margaret. Trying to act cool.

Devo is obviously a devout fan but his greatest exploit to date certainly has to be his kamikaze trip to London with his dear Margaret...and no tickets. He had hoped to see this year's Chelsea game at Emirates and got lucky just the day before. I personally believe that being in London without being able to see the game would have killed (or at least crippled) the man. But no guts, no glory. 

Devo is also a funny guy and a fine man of stage and screen. In the interest of shameless promotion, here is a short film he did for yucks. I hope you like Friday Night Lights. 

Barnsley, Burnsley, Screw You Buddy! I'll Call Em What I Want.

No dream this time.

Because I didn't sleep. I pounded beers all night and hit the bar by 10 am.

I went to college for this. Yeah.

Here is a picture of it being early.

Here is another. It's cold, but Devo has given us the thumbs up to keep going. Ward is either showing off the love of his club, or giving the ladies a little ward-candy preview.

Then there was some of this.

 

Still no photo, no matter how artistically rendered, could capture how devilishly sloshed I was. 

Accept maybe this one.

At least my eyes are team colors. 

A game happened at some point. I don't really know. Here is poor, tired Jakes. Note how bleak his life is now that he must return to non-Arsenal things.

What a morning. 

Fan(s) of the Match: Devo, Ward, Jakes and anyone else who was forced to endure my drunken ravings. You are the real heroes.

Injury Report: Robin Van Persie's Head Has Just Fallen Off

Seriously. Is RVP dead? According to many reputable media sources:

Yes.

 Come on Arsene. You cant hide his handsome corpse forever. Or, perhaps he's on a secret mission for the Dutch. Maybe he's on the run from the law (probably for robbing Sunderland of a point). I like to think he ascended into Heaven, but that's just me. The point is, we'll never know because he'll never play soccer again. I don't think there has been a crunch time absence on the battlefield like this since Achilles. 

RVP just had to have that one cigarette at the airport.

Sorry, but I had to vent. Also I haven't blogged or been to the church/bar in awhile due to a touch of lazy and a lot of hangover. The birthday on Wii Night was greatness incarnate even though I never got to play the Wii. I shall tell all later. 

See you all on Saturday.

Here's a shot of the "White Pele" at his finest. Rest in Peace good buddy.

You know they're both contemplating a head butt.

January 8. Celebrate My Birthday with

There is only one place I'd go to celebrate my birthday. I have never played the Wii, but it seems like a physical sort of karaoke. As such, I imagine that I will look equally silly as I attempt some sporting task which I can not perform gracefully in either the real or virtual world. Thank you Japan. 

However, I can drink a beer. Very well. 

Thus I present an open challenge to anyone for a drunken wii battle.

Now it is on

Here is a picture of me looking ridiculous during karaoke. Just for your files.

2008 is the Best Year Yet! Premier League #21 West Ham

2008, so far.

I got up

I got dressed

I got on a train

I got a Bass

1 nil to the Arsenal

Best year ever. Thanks Eduardo.

I got me a new camera phone. It isn't much better than my previous heap o' junk. But that didn't stop me from snapping up the best Arsenal game of 2008. Here is a day in pictures.

Devo, ever cool, shows us the score.

Gooners in Exile. The mate on them left predicted Adebayor would do one amazing thing and that would be all. He was ever so correct. I still don't know how that ball warped through time and sapce to find the net.

Devo shows his fear in a brief moment of not being so cool.

A high angle shot of the Arsenal end of the bar.

Mt. Sinai sports her Arsenal scarf with pride. A true Lady Gooner, this woman got enraged with me because I watched the Pompey game in DC with my family rather than at Nevadas. It was a day after Christmas!

Fan o' the Match. This strange English man not only actively harassed the West Ham fans, but then laughed at their misfortune. Good on ya.

He apparently also has a lovely lady. I don't like him any more.

This West Ham seems pleased that his team escaped with only a 2 nil beating.

See ya'll on Sunday for the vicious throw down with Burnley. 

Beckham for Arsenal

Just some linky goodness. See below.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/2kldbx