Arsenal's absent striker, presumed dead by many, was revealed to be in fact alive though in a state of suspended animation in a secret complex underneath the former Highbury grounds. Arsene Wenger, who personally activated the massive cooling contraption, finally admitted that there simply wasn't enough medical research available in order to fix a broken everything.
"We are obviously filled with beautiful grief to lose Robin at this time. However, in true Arsenal style, we will pass him to another generation, who will probably pass him to another generation. Then they might consider making something of this opportunity, but they will likely elect to pass again. This might become frustrating to our fans, but eventually we will thaw him and rebuild him using bio-engineering so that he can compete with the superior robotic super players which Chelsea and Manchester will have purchased. Or maybe he'll be match fit by mid-february. C'est la vie."
When questions regarding the safety of the Dutchman were raised, one source declared: "He should be very well protected. If he survived the freezing process that is."
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