Arsenal vs Milan as described through an atrocious metaphor.

After Adam saw Eve give birth for the first time he, no doubt, thanked God under his breath for assigning such a painful duty unto womenfolk. But the Lord of Hosts turned to Adam and said "Whoa there slick. I will create for menfolk a trial which he shall cause him to scream and cry and curse all creation but which he shall tell his friends is "beautiful". And it shall be called Futbol." And the lord smiled, knowing in his omniscience, that one day I would suffer through a Wagnerian Ring Cycle of a match cringing, howling, and crying like a wayward babe only to end up in a pile of joyous laughter, in his mercy.

So we beat Milan 2-0 at the San Siro as I predicted to Devo. It was hard to watch to say the least. As the only member of the 4-Man Army who doesn't have a day job, I opted for watching in my fortress of solitude wrapped in my various gunner paraphernalia, a blanky and my most comfortable of pants. Then the cursing began.

"Damn Eboue. Do you work in investment capital during the week and only dabble in futbol on the weekends? Are you studying nights for a BA in Art History? Maybe you know terrible secrets of Arsene Wenger which you use to blackmail your way onto a big boy team. You are a professional footballer. What do you practice if not putting a ball into a net from point blank? Please stop actively removing years from my life you bastard."

I didn't say that but you get the point. Thank god Kaka was covered, Inzaghi thought he was in a friendly and Pato forgot to say "Shazam!" prior to the match. After the first 15, we were looking strangely like last years Arsenal, the cock-teasing bastards. All passing and no shots. We should seriously give Arsenal a free goal for every 100 consecutive passes they put together.

But like the grueling and excruciating miracle of childbirth, Fabregas pushed the ball through a narrow opening and brought a slippery little bundle of joy into my world. For weeks I have applauded every shot this man has taken because I knew one of these was coming. Good to have you back Cesc. 

After the abortions, miscarriages and one sudden infant death syndrome (Birmingham) in the last couple weeks, we have our virility back and hope that this new little Arsenal can grow up to be Champion.

Yeah, its not great, but you said you wanted posts, so screw you. You happy now?